It was a Tuesday.
It had been a long day, and I was tired. Actually, exhausted is more like it. We were finally driving home when our Ugandan Mama turned around and told us we were headed to the hospital to pray over a church member.
…que bad attitude.
I was tired. I was hungry. I was NOT in the mood to pray over someone at the hospital.
Upon arrival I tripped walking up the path. Awesome. By the time we made it inside I was officially in a bad mood. I followed Mama through a door into the baby ward.
The baby ward? I thought we were praying over a church member. I could hear mothers murmering to their newborns as I continued to follow Mama. We entered a tiny room where a woman was lying on a birthing table.
At the end of the table there were not people waiting to welcome a beautiful baby into the world; there was a trash can.
A trash can.
It was too much for me.
Mama informed us that the woman had miscarried and was waiting to birth her now dead child. My heart broke. Tears came flooding and threatened to spill down my face. The mother lay on the table completely numb, pain screaming from her eyes.
Mama told us to pray over them. As I began to pray and worship my body tingled all over. I knew that in the midst of tragedy, my Father was in that place. We talked with the woman for a few minutes then went out into the hall.
I was numb. Why was this ok? Why had this happened? Why was it acceptable for a trash can to be between the legs of a woman that had just lost her child?
It wasn't ok. It isn't ok. It breaks my Father's heart. For weeks I had been asking Him to break my heart for what breaks His…..and He did.
Ministry is not always emotionally gratifying. It is not always something I want to do, but as a Christ follower, it's something I am called to. Ministering to broken people can lead to brokeness.
My first response to the situation was anger. On one side of the wall were happy mothers with their beautiful children. On the other side was a woman waiting to birth her dead child. It just didn't make sense. The more I thought about it the angrier I became. I was angry that it happened. I was angry at the world for being a broken place.
Things like this weren't supposed to happen. It happened because we live in a world that is broken because of sin. When I got home I laid in my bed and cried and cried. I asked God to speak. He told me that I can't carry things like this on my own. I wasn't designed to.
I was designed to live in total dependence on Him.
Brokeness isn't fun, but it's necessary. Dependence comes out of brokeness and dependence on God is a beautiful thing. It doesn't make bad things ok, but it gives us hope for the future. We cling to the cross and the hope that in Christ all things are made new.
This morning the woman we prayed for was at the church service dancing and praising Jesus.
He makes all things new.
